Father Ted Poster

Highlights from my diary(age 13)

I just found the diary I kept when I was a teenager and I have to say my taste for understated melodramatic resentment is delicious. Here are some gems:

• 12th of August 1995  "Today I got up at 7 o clock. Clo said I took great care of my fish so I went over to feed her and she was dead." 
• "I played hoopla and Jenny stole a hoopla from me and won two teddys, a small one and a big one.  Jenny gave me the small one."
• "I saw a lovely patchwork dress but I couldn't get it.  I got a flowery dress."
• "We bought a jewellry box and we tried to clean it but it fell apart."
• "We went to the reseviour.  I fell in really deep mud and ruined my shoes.  We came home."
• "I liked Emmet.  He hit me with an egg."

Here is a shining example of how sensitive and kind I was:
          "Carolines gran died two days ago.  Caroline stayed the night and sulked because clo sprayed her with lavender perfume.  Hah hah."

A rant (Names hidden to protect the innocent)

       "   -------- is annoying.  Why?

1.  She sleeps at sleepovers
2. she is boring
3. she is a bit wierd
4. She is a hypocrite
5. She is bloomin' moody
6. she is spoilt
7. she looks at THE BABYSITTERS CLUB!!!!!
8. She doesn't like me
9. She scoffs "

I'm still not sure what I meant by "she scoffs"  but I'm guessing number 8 was understandable:) 
I go on to list further gems such as my X-files Merchandise, my 8 wierdest dreams involving UFO's, and this spectacular example of my native optimism, "I wonder when the sun turns to a red giant will it reach as far as earth and will we be able to melt marses ice caps and make it hospitable , cos if we plant trees, they will thrive on the carbon dioxide and bloom". 
I go on to claim the Mayans were aliens, the Bermuda triangle was a wormhole and that in all likelihood David Duchovny was going to propose to me before I was twenty.  Worrying.

My Favourite Terry Pratchett quote

Normal Tea

Quick, people are watching! Act normal! Have some tea.